


peace

by BlurglesmurfKlaine



Series: folklore [5]
Category: Glee
Genre: Angst, Canon Compliant, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Folklore, M/M, Peace, canon typical levels of homophobia, i mean wbk blaine is a depressed bitch but, idk lol, mentions of mental health kinda sorta, not explicitly just like, please just read it lmao, reaction fic, this is the worst summary to ever summarize, ~mentioned~
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-27
Updated: 2020-11-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 22:35:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 990
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27743833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlurglesmurfKlaine/pseuds/BlurglesmurfKlaine
Summary: would it be enough if i could never give you peace?Canon-Compliant, set sometime between seasons 2 and 3. Kurt and Blaine have a conversation after dinner.
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel
Series: folklore [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1858795
Comments: 3
Kudos: 25





	peace

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: yes i watched the folklore documentary today and i have feelings thank you and goodnight

Kurt doesn't slam the car door when he gets in to the passenger seat, but it sends shockwaves of fear and insecurtity rippling through Blaine's body nonetheless. The silence is deafening--or maybe that's just the blood rushing and pounding in Blaine's ears. Maybe it's the little voice inside his mind, screaming at him that he will never be enough. 

Not for his dad, not for Cooper, maybe not even for the Warblers.

Certainly not for Kurt.

He finally musters up enough strength in his cowardly body to finally look at his boyfriend, a silent hurricane raging in the back of his throat. "Kurt, I am so, so fucking sorry."

Blaine's dad hadn't been home for much of the semester. Business trips halfway across the nation were higher priority than checking in with his family, so after dating for nearly three months, Blaine finally had the opportunity to introduce Kurt as his official boyfriend.

Some ignorant comments were made, silenced by his mother's elbow in his father's ribcage and her fierce whispers in his ears. Even all that couldn't prevent the small, prickly comments from rising up every few minutes.

Kurt was uncomfortable, Blaine could tell. Blaine was uncomfrtable, and every snide remark acted as fodder to the fire in the pit of his stomach--the one that was always there, that Blaine tried to constantly tried to ignore, but never could fully smother out. And finally the fire roared at full force. Right there in the middle of dinner, in front of his parents and Kurt, Blaine had just exploded at his father and gotten up from the table.

"Dinner isn't over, young man," his father had said, through clenched teeth, but otherwise calm.

Blaine had just taken Kurt by the hand and led him away from the scene. "It is for us."

Back in the car, still sitting at thge far end of Blaine's driveway, he takes a deep breath--in for four, hold for seven, out for eight--just like his mother taught him. "I am so sorry," he babbles, "I don't know what came over me."

He expects a scolding, an agreement, disappointment. But what he gets instead is a hand that feels comfortingly cool cradling his cheek, turning his face to meet crystal blue eyes filled with much more understanding than Blaine deserves. "It's okay," Kurt murmurs softly. "I get it, I was angry, too."

It's the confusion that breaks Blaine. He screwed up, he acted on his emotions. He hasn't done anything to earn this sort of kindness from Kurt. Nothing except be the mess that he's doomed to be. But here Kurt is, cradling Blaine as he cries. 

"That's the thing," Blaine tries to explain through crumpled sobs. "I'm _always_ angry. I'm always fucking angry, Kurt. At him, for being an asshole. At my mom, even though I know--fuck, I _know_ she's doing her best--but god I wish she'd just act like he's doing something wrong, instad of just improper. I'm fucking angry at myself, twenty-four seven, for not being what they want--for continuously trying to mold myself into a son they'd be proud of, even though I know I will never, _ever_ get there." 

He's never done this before--cried in front of someone else. He doesn't really know if this was his intentions, or if he simply didn't have the strength to keep it together. And as it always does after an episode like this, the anger subsides and gives way to a pure exhaustion that starts to leave him feeling like a cored apple, as if a part of himself has been removed and is looking in on the situation from outside.

Blaine slumps down, resting his forehead on the steering wheel. "I just hate myself so much," is all he has enough strength to say. And it's true. He hates being so emotional--being affected so deeply and so intensely by every single inconvenience hurdled his way. He hates his intense need for approval, even the kind he knows he'll never get. He hates his inability to accept things he cannot change, like the fact he can never change the way his father sees him. He hates that his emotions are wild and unpredictable in a way that is daunting to even himself.

He feels Kurt's surprise at the comment, even though he stays silent. Gently, Blaine faces Kurt once more, hoping the darkness that surrounds the car is enough to hide his red-rimmed eyes. "And you don't deserve this," he mumbles, too utterly depleted to keep up any more facades. "You don't deserve any of this, fuck. I'm so sorry. You should be with someone whose family loves them as much as your family loves you, and someone who can keep their damn head in check, not--not me, this absolute just-just a mess of a person, god you deserve so much better than me. Someone who can give you the peace you deserve."

All Kurt replies with is, "Don't you think that's my decision to make?" soft and docile, but so very, _very_ sure. 

Blaine laughs humorlessly. "It would be a stupid decision."

The smile and warmth in Kurt's voice when he replies is enough to cut through the aftermath of the storm. "I could be a little stupid." 

Blaine laughs. He actually laughs. And that's all he needs right now. "I love you," he mumbles breathlessly, before surging upwards to meet Kurt's lips with his own.

The question of whether or not he is enough will constantly haunt Blaine. With every misstep, every mistake that he's sure to make, it will linger above his head like an unshakable ghost.

The storms of turmoil ragining withing Blaine will likely never be able to reward Kurt with the peace he so crearly deserves, and all he can do is try his best, and hope that that will be enough for him. 

Right now, it is.


End file.
